Boy normally emphasis on power, competency, efficiency, and achievement in career. They are always doing things to prove themselves and keep on develop their power and skills regarding their career. In the boy minds ability to accomplish results or become stronger are they identity. They mission is more success and accomplishment in life. Fighting, competitive or leading are the common ways for most the boy to achieve their goal. A boy’s sense of self is normally defined through his ability and confidence to achieve results.
Almost of the boy is a reflection of these values even in their dress that designed can seem to be reflecting their skills and power. For examples, police officers, fire officers, army soldiers, pilot, and chefs all wear uniforms to reflect and show their competence and power.
Normally the boy that obsess with competence and power don’t read native magazines like Psychology Today, Self, or People. Plus, they are more emphasis on outdoor and extreme activities, like mountain climbing, car racing, and wresting. Some of them are interested in the news or worldwide development, science, technology and sports and not much involving in romance novels and self-help books. This is because boy is more interested in “objects” and “things” rather than other people and feelings. Until now, girl mostly emphasis on fantasize about romance, men fantasize about powerful position, faster and luxury car, technology, gizmos, and sometime involving financial income. The boy natural is dominating by “things” or “stuff” that can contribute to them in show off their power and achieving their goals and desire.
Achieving their desire is very important to a boy and each boy normally has more than one desire. This is because it is a way for them to demonstrate his competence and thus make him feel good. After all, to most of the boy that feeling good about him is came from achievement of these goals by himself. This feeling is even felt greater when someone else can’t achieve them and only he can. Boy especially boyfriend are very pride themselves in doing things all by themselves in front of girlfriend. Freedom or possession of self-government is becoming a symbol of efficiency, power, and competence to most of the boy.
By understanding this boy characteristic, it actually can help girl to understand why their boyfriend is rejecting so much being corrected and hate or dislike being control so much by girlfriend. If girl given unsolicited advice to boy is actually to presume that he doesn’t know what to do and it means he can’t do it on his own. Boy actually is very sensitive about this matter because the issue of competence and self achievement is very important to them because it reflect their gentlemanly.
In fact, most of the boys think they will be able handle most of the problems using they knowledge and capably. A boy is rarely talks about his problems unless he needs expert advice and help in front of their girlfriend. When being asked why didn’t ask for help? The common answer that he will say: “Why involve someone that not related when I can do it by own?” Boy likes to keeps his problems for himself and very rarely or unless he need assistance from another party to find a solution. In boy’s mind, asking for help when you can do it yourself equal to weakness and incapable of doing things that BIG man can do.
Despite that, some of the boy that truly does need help, then it is a express of wisdom to achievement. In this case, it considers different conclusion because he will find someone that respected to talk about his problem and decide for find a suitable solution. Talking about a problem between boys is actually one kind of invitation for advice and the boy that being asked for help will feels honored by this opportunity. Automatically he will open his mind to listens for a while, and then offers some jewels of advice.
This boy’s culture is one of the cause that boy are instinctively offer solutions when girl start to talk about her personal advice. When a girl innocently shares their personal upset feelings and showing all her problem, normally boy will mistakenly assumes she is looking for some help and advice. Then, boy will start to give advice because this is his way of showing love and of trying to help instead of concerned and listens to her.
The fact is that boyfriend actually wants to help his girlfriend to feel better by solving her difficulty. He wants to be more commitment to his girlfriend so that he can be more valued and worthy of her love when his knowledge and power are useful to solve her difficulty.
Once boy has provided a solution, she become more upset and this increasingly difficulties for him to listen because his solution is being rejected and he feels increasingly useless.
This is most common mistake that boy had made, that is he has no idea that by just listening with understand how the girl feel can be supportive. Most boy does even know that when girl talking about problems is not an asking for solution.